Here Without you
by Reflection of My Tears
Summary: He remembered it clearly. The tears sliding down her cheeks. Her dimming turquoise eyes. The soft hand on his cheek. The regretful smile on her beautiful features. Her bloodied yukata. Songfic to Here Without You by Switchfoot. TrainXSaya. Angst. Sadness.


**I don't have much to say about this one…so….it's Train reflecting on Saya and her death…yea…I hopes you enjoy? Obviously TrainXSaya!**

He remembered it clearly. The tears sliding down her cheeks. Her dimming turquoise eyes. The soft hand on his cheek. The regretful smile on her beautiful features. Her bloodied yukata. She had been the only thing he had had left. And she now was gone. She had been whisked away, out of his reach, by the simple thrust of a sword. Now that she was gone, he wasn't alive. Sure, he still talked and walked, but he was just…_there_. Just on this Earth without a purpose or reason to be there. He just didn't have that spark of life in him anymore. Without her, he didn't have a reason to live. His sole purpose to be on this planet, to interact with all the other people that shared the lush green valleys and flowing streams, had been taken away. Just a simple mistake and she had been killed. His carelessness had cost her her life. And what had he done for her? Nothing, except push her away and insult her. And, even though he did things people did in their everyday lives, he was colder and older on the inside then ever before.

_A hundred days have made me older_

_Since the last time that I _

_Saw your pretty face_

_A thousand lies have made me colder_

_And I don't think that I can look at this the same_

Oh, it hurt. It hurt more than any wound that could pierce his skin, and he didn't know why it hurt so much. It felt like some had plunged into his chest and ripped his heart out with their bare hands. He was just an empty shell now that she was gone, and without her presence near him, he would never have a reason to be alive. It felt as though all his compassion and good thoughts about the world had been stripped from him, drained from his being, even more so than when his parents were murdered when he was at the age of ten. His heart was in pieces, and without her, he could never piece it back together and mend the hole that had sliced into his heart when she had died. It hurt more than he could ever imagine when he rose from his bed each morning to be struck by the realization that she was dead. It was enough to make him sink to his knees in despair. Every night that wasn't spent lying on the rooftop, vainly waiting for her to appear, would be spent dreaming of her beautiful, cheerful face.

_All the miles that separate _

_Disappear now that I'm dreaming of your face_

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

His chest ached at the mere thought of her, and whenever he lay on the rooftop, he found himself yearning to hear her voice just one more time, to see her smiling face. His heart had frozen over, so cold that no kind words or thoughtful gestures could penetrate its surface. His chocolate brown bangs covered his golden, cat-like eyes as he wandered aimlessley through the town that had brought on all this pain. He didn't know why he had come back. He had just...gone where his heart told him to go, and it had told him to go here. Not that he knew why, though. Whenever he was alone, lying on the roof of his old, still deserted apartment, he would let a single tear that held all his pain inside leak out and slide down his cheek, as his pride and the image he had to protect would never let anyone see him cry, even if it was a lone tear that trickled down his face. Sometimes he would envision her appear before him, and they would talk and reminisce about the old days when she was still alive. The times when he was carefree, without worries about what would happen in the future. There was just the two of them, together.

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time _

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still with me in my dreams _

_And tonight, there's only you and me_

He had travelled miles and miles away from the town that had started everything, yet then he had just travelled back. He had left his partners, Sven and Eve, to travel back to this town. He didn't know why he did. He just acted on what his heart told him to do. And, even though it bought an immense amount of pain, it also brought memories surging back. He enjoyed reminiscing about the times that they had spent together, even though it bought a tear to his eye. He always said that she was annoying, that she was just the weird girl in the yukata, but now he regretted calling her those names, insulting her all those times, pushing her away. He had never been able to tell her how much he liked having her presence near him, how much he had appreciated her kind gestures towards him. Sometimes he wished that everything that had happened were just memories. Horrible, painful memories. But that was all she was now. That was all she could be. Nothing but a memory, a painful, sad memory. Life without worries, without his arch nemesis, Creed Diskence, was completley overrated. Especially was a life with her, with all of it behind them.

_The miles just keep rollin'_

_As the people leave their way to say hello_

_I've heard this life is overrated_

_But I hope it gets better as we go_

He knew that he would never see her again, that she was dead, and that killing Creed would not bring her back, so why did he pursue the silver-haired man so intently? Was it to avenge her death, or to prove to her how much she meant to him? Even he did not know the answer to the questions that he asked himself. Every time her smiling, cheerfull face, pain tore through him, shaking him to the core. His grief would not leave, he had found that out the hard way, and he knew that his soul would never rest until he was sure that she had safely made it to the neverworld. He didn't want to have to live life without her. It was just too hard to fo through the days without her beside him, knowing that he'd never see her again, not until he himself died. He had considered suicide an option many times, but then his mind would drift to thoughts of the people his death would affect, and he would decline the tempting prospect of ending it all. He was here without her, and she was in his lonely mind.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_

"Hey...isn't that the Black Cat?"  
"Don't be stupid! The Black Cat died two years ago in that Tanker explosion, remember, idiot?!"  
He paused for a moment, black cloak billowing. He had thrown it back on as soon as he had set one foot in this horrid town. He cast a freezing glance over them with his icy amber eyes, making them gulp. "Yeah, the Black Cat died," he said in a chilling voice. "He died and came back a sweeper, living life on his own terms."  
They stared at him.  
"Y-you _are_ the Black Cat! Can I have your autograph?!"  
His eyes narrowed at the sight of the pen and paper in the boy's hands. In one swift motion, he swiped the pen from the kids hand, scribbled his signature, had stuffed his hands in his pockets and was now walking away from the crowd that had gathered, all staring at him in either awe or fright, he didn't care which. All he wanted to do was leave this godforsaken town and join her in his dreams.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight girl, there's only you and me_

It didn't matter where he went, wherever he travelled. He could never get her out of his head. Creed had been defeated and so had the _Zero Numbers_. They had all fallen, one by one, and Eden had been taken care of. He had travelled all those places, fought all those times, risked his life more than once, for her. Only for her, as he still couldn't forget her. It wasn't that he _couldn't _forget her. It was that he _wouldn't _let her go. He didn't want to forget her. And he knew, no matter how hard he tried, he could never fall in love with another. He was already in love. In love with the past. In love with her. Everyone tried to get close to him, trying to earn that special place in his heart, but he would never even glance at them. His heart had been stolen two years ago, by the 'weird girl in the yukata' with chin-length chocolate brown hair, stunning blue-green eyes and upbeat personality. But she was gone now, and she had taken his heart, and his chances of ever loving another, with her.

_Everything I know, and everywhere I go_

_It gets hard but it won't take away my love_

_And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done_

_It gets hard but it won't take away my love_

He knew that by not even so much as looking at another girl would hurt them deeply, but it was nowhere near the pain he felt whenever her face appeared in his mind. Even as much as a simple white yukata, sitting in a shop or on display entered his line of vision, he would snap. His heart was in shreds, and had been ever since her death, and the only way that he would ever be able to put it back together again, to heal his wounded soul, was when he would join her forever, up in the great blue skies where nothing could go wrong. Oh, how he wished and prayed for that day. Every waking moment was spent hoping for that day to come soon. Once again he would consider ending it all now. All it took was a simple jump or thrust of a sword. But he knew he could not do it. He knew that she would not approve. He knew that she would want him to live out the rest of his days freely and by his own terms, which was why he always dissmissed it. He was there, on this Earth, without her, and would be until his time came for his soul to leave his body.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_

Whenever fireworks lit up the sky, or he overheard people chatting happily about the festival in Elsida every year, all his pain would flood his eyes and anyone who gazed into them would be shocked at the amount of grief and pain held there. His usual cheerful eyes would cloud with loss, and the fragile seams holding his will to live would strain. The hole in his heart would grow and grow along with his loss and pain, so much that he felt like falling to his knees in the middle of the street and shout his grief to the world. Her face, her voice and her whole being still haunted him in his dreams, but it wasn't to scare him or to get revenge. It was to talk to him, to reminisce about when she was still alive, to share a bottle of milk or two. And he liked it when she came to him in his dreams. His pain and grief would melt away into her beautiful turquoise, never to be felt again, not until he woke again. Fireworks bought all the pain rushing back, aswell as his undeniable feelings for her. He wasn't just in love with the past. He was in love with the girl who had changed his life, made him feel again. He was in love with Minatsuki Saya, and always would be, until the end of time.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight girl, there's only you and me_

**Well, I hope you enjoyed it! And don't forget to drop a review on your way out!**


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